-You guys, I wanna wish everyone a happy Martin Luther King Day. [ Cheering and applause ] All day long, #MLK
was trending on Twitter. Unfortunately,
President Trump thinks MLK are the Roman numerals
for Super Bowl LIV. [ Laughter ] [as Trump]
It’s 100 minus 50… [ Laughter ]
I wanna say congrats
to the Kansas City Chiefs and San Francisco 49ers
for advancing to Super Bowl LIV. [ Cheering and applause ] Fans of both teams
are going crazy, while most of the country
is celebrating that it’s not the Patriots. [ Cheering and applause ] “You okay, man?” And this is the Chiefs’
first trip to the Super Bowl since winning it 50 years ago. Things in the ’70s were so much
different than they are today. I mean, back then, the president
was being impeached. [ Laughter ] [ Fresh laughter ] But Las Vegas
is already taking bets for the Super Bowl
and this is very interesting. Since 49ers quarterback
Jimmy Garoppolo is white and named Jimmy,
there are 2:1 odds he might become a late night
talk show host. -Really?! [ Laughter and applause ] -That’s right.
The Kansas City Chiefs beat the Titans
to advance to the Super Bowl and, after the game,
tight end Travis Kelce shared what he’s learned.
Take a look. -I learned one thing
since I’ve been here. [ Cheering and applause ]
You gotta fight! For your right! To pa-a-a-a-a-a-a-rty! [ Cheering, whistling,
and applause ] -Yeah! [ Cheering and applause ] -Ahhh! -The place was so amped, even Jim Nantz
shotgunned half a Zima. [ Laughter ] It was so cold on the sidelines
of the Chiefs-Titans game that Titans quarterback
Ryan Tannehill had to find a creative way to use his tablet
without taking his gloves off. Take a look at this.
-It’s so cold, you don’t want to keep
taking your gloves off, so, when you’re on the sideline,
you got the tablet, how do you kind of
advance the screen? You do it with your nose. [ Laughter ]
-Is he okay after that last hit?
-Yeah. [ Laughter and applause ] -After the game — After the game,
Tannehill was like, “I would’ve used something else,
but it was way too cold.” [ Laughter ] [ Fresh laughter ] Meanwhile, the 49ers
looked great yesterday and I saw that their mascot is a character named
Sourdough Sam. Can we take a look at him? There he is.
[ Laughter ] It’s nice to see that
Prince Harry already found a new job, isn’t it?
That’s good. [ Laughter and applause ] But everyone is talking
about this. Yesterday at the
49ers-Packers game, Rob Lowe was spotted
in the stands and he had an interesting
choice of hat. Check this out. Yeah. [ Laughter ] A lotta people
thought it was odd that he just wore a hat
that just supported football, in general. [ Laughter ] But it wasn’t really that odd, if you’ve seen him
at other events. I mean, here’s Rob Lowe
at a music festival. [ Laughter and applause ] Here he is testifying
before Congress. [ Laughter ] And here he is
just walking around. I mean, he just loves hats.
That’s all. [ Laughter and applause ]
He just likes hats. -He loves hates.
-He looks good in all of them. -Always looks good. [ Cheering and applause ] -Well, guys, Trump’s
Senate impeachment trial begins tomorrow
and his legal team is busy preparing their
defense strategy. So far, it’s to release a live
bat in the Senate chamber, then scatter. [ Laughter ]
This isn’t good. Journalists are upset
that Mitch McConnell wants to limit their movements inside
the Capitol during the trial. And this is true:
even C-SPAN is upset. [ Laughter ] What is even C-SPAN like
when it’s mad? [ Laughter ]
It’s like, [hushed] “This is an outrage. [ Laughter ] We don’t have
to put up with this. I’m about to flip
a table on this B.” [ Laughter and applause ] Some 2020 news. The New York Times
editorial board endorsed Elizabeth Warren
and Amy Klobuchar as Democrats’ top choices
for the 2020 nomination. [ Cheering and applause ] That’s right.
They picked two candidates. And today their sports section
picked the Chiefs and the 49ers
to win the Super Bowl. [ Laughter and applause ] This weekend, Bernie Sanders
held a rally in New Hampshire and took a moment to thank
some of his supporters. This included Jon Fishman
from the band Phish, but take a look at what
Bernie called the band. -Let me thank Jon Fishman, who’s with the Phish.
You all know the Phish? [ Laughter and applause ] -He found out about the Phish
on the Google. [ Laughter and applause ] And Bernie was like.. [as Sanders]
If you don’t know the Phish, they’re the ones with fans
who smoke the pot! [ Laughter and applause ] The Google. Everyone’s talking about this. Over the weekend,
the Food Network had an episode about Pokémon-themed cakes and one baker
had a little bit of trouble with their Pikachu cake. Take us out. -Can you help me wiggle?
-Yep. [ Squeaking ]
[ Laughter ] -I don’t wanna lay him down. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Hold on, hold on. I know that the only option
right now is force [ Laughter ]
and the body is taking abeating.
-Yeah. Right. [ Laughter and applause ] -Oh! [laughing] Oh, my God! -That entire time,
Pikachu was frantically trying to remember the safe word.
It’s like… [ Laughter ] Pikachu was like,
“Don’t poke me, mon.” Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-Oh! -Also, I saw this.
A Siberian Husky — [ Laughter ] -“Gotta catch ’em all.”
It’s just unbelievable, yeah. [laughing] Come on. -A Siberian Husky
that was just adopted is going viral for having
some pretty interesting eyes. Take a look at this. [ Audience awwing ] Yeah.
I think that dog actually just saw what happened
to that Pokémon. [ Laughter ]
-I don’t wanna lay him down. [ Applause ]
The only option right now is force.
-Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright,
very good, okay. -Oh, my God! [ Laughter and applause ] -And, finally, listen to this. A man in New Hampshire
had a $21 bar tab and he left a $2,000 tip. So it’s official —
Mike Bloomberg will spend whatever it takes to get a vote.
We have great show!