CGRundertow RAINBOW RAPTURE for Xbox 360 Video Game Review
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CGRundertow RAINBOW RAPTURE for Xbox 360 Video Game Review

I had to doublecheck that I wasn’t on any
situation-altering substances when I experienced this game. But there’s something about a
malevolent cloud, nyancatting out a rainbow, and fueling this display of color by eating
people, smashing cars and blimps, and chilling with angels, that makes a man wonder. Was
I dosed? Who would do such a thing? Should I have a glass of water, or a bag of chips?
I’m confused. Game over, man. Game over. And then I came to. And the cloud was still
there, emitting rainbows, and lo, he began to speak. And he spoke not of the Book of
Revelation, nor of the Song of Blondie, but in the style of the King of All Cosmos, decrying
mankind’s inevitable march toward the color grey. Such transgression against the chromatic
shall not be tolerated. So to enact revenge upon the heathens, the cloud shall consume
them all, or as many as possible while the glory of his prismatic wake doth trail him
so. And he does that with physics. Rainbow Rapture is a very simple, one-button
game: You hold A to dive. That’s the only mechanic that’s actually under your control.
Your goal is to fly as far as possible, using only this diving power and the topography
of the land itself to propel you. Now I’ve heard of rolling hills before, but this is
a little bit ridiculous. Still, with a combination of aim and timing, you can utilize the terrain
to your advantage and kiss the sky as you CONSUME THE UNPURE. And smash their cars for
speed boosts. And crush oil tankers to slide along the ground, grinding the bones of the
damned. And pop blimps to inhale the spirits of the heretics from any altitude. They shall
become one with your glory, by whatever means necessary. Until, that is, you run out of
soul-color-prism-juice and die. Here’s my problem… and it’s not with
the super-simple design of the game, or with the alarmingly freaky aesthetic, or with the
deceptively benign music-box soundtrack. My problem is that this game reminds me a lot
of a little flash abomination called Nanaca Crash. Nanaca Crash – which I should cover
one of these days – is a dangerous little diversion, where you inflict aggravated assault
upon a kid for distance, and is exactly the kind of free flash thingamabob that you can
find yourself playing for hours, quite accidentally with you have papers due. Rainbow Rapture
shares some of this inexplicable addictiveness, this oddball sense of “I can go a couple
miles further, just watch,” as another five minutes of your life is wasted. Fortunately,
for some sense of accomplishment, there’s a series of challenges to complete, related
to your performance in consumption. You can engage three at a time, with completed tasks
falling out of rotation. I don’t know how much I can recommend this
game, given that its primary attraction – and in fact, the entirety of its gameplay – consists
of a cloud eating people. I mean, what is this, LOST? Honestly. It might get by as a
free flash game, but there’s a whole dollar on the line here. A DOLLAR…. yeah, just
kidding. Pick it up and confuse your friends! Scare your children! That’s always a good
time. Whatever you do, just make sure you’re wearing something colorful at the time.


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